Rudie Can't Fail
by FairyTale87
Summary: Rory can't get Jess off her mind. When Lorelai suggests Rory come back to Stars Hollow for break, the Yale student will have a major shock when a certain Jess Mariano also comes into town. AU  how season 4 should have gone.  *Literati*
1. Mother Knows Best

_**Rudie Can't Fail**_

_One _

_There are moments in our lives that define who we are. They are the mismatched ingredients that you add to a dish you forget the recipe for; yet somehow, helps the food turn out better than it did the previous time you made it. These moments last no more than a second; an hour maybe; if you're lucky enough, maybe even a day or a month. No matter which way you look at it, they are a small millisecond in your life. They are distorted words that you somehow remember perfectly, but the second you try to get them past your lips, disappear. Those words alone are vain and vacant; it is the person who says them that makes them so dear to you and the memory so clear. So, my memory summons half heard voices, and my soul finds primal eloquence in them. They become the ghostly lullaby that hums me to sleep, the medicine for my shattered heart. These moments in life that define me, they are my past, haunt my present, and determine my future. I wish I could let go; let him free. But he is the moments I cherish; long for; but will never have again. I lost him the second I let him leave. And that is the work of those goddamn moments that torturously define us. _

Rory looked down at the furious scribbles that formulated a paragraph of total gibberish and sighed. No matter what she wrote, how uplifting she attempted to make it; _he _always found a way of crawling back into her head and scrambling her logical thoughts. His words lingered in her head, and she couldn't shake them. _"Well, what is much?" "22.8 miles." "He was right; about everything."_ He was with her every second; haunting her. Lingering in the corner of her mind, never allowing it to rest. Closing her eyes to stop the streaming tears, the first image in Rory's head was _him._ It killed her; beat her to a pulp, and she couldn't escape. Without him, Rory Gilmore was lost; vacant; alone. She had lost the love she loved the most. She had let him go. Let him walk right out the door, and away from her grasp. Inhaling a shaking breath, she knew this was unhealthy. Locking herself up in her room, away from sun and civilization was not the smartest of choices, but Rory couldn't help it. Jess had shown her a life she had begun to love. And without him here now, that life and world didn't seem as kind. Fingering the phone next to her, she longed to dial his number; see what he sounded like. Was he dying just as much as she was? Rory ached to know. Pressing the first number, her body froze and an agonizing knot formed in her stomach. She couldn't do it. She couldn't face him. The panicked thought that Jess wouldn't even want to talk to her rushed through Rory's crazed brain. Inhaling deeply to regroup, she dialed her mother's number instead. Rory needed someone, anyone. Rory needed Lorelai Gilmore.

"Hello, my favorite offspring," Lorelai greeted gaily. Rory almost broke into tears at the mere sound of her mother's voice. Her mother embodied every memory Stars Hollow held: every sound of laughter, every taste of tears. Rory's heart began to be strangled by the winding tendril of memory, slowly but surely sucking away the life from her.

"Hi Mom," Rory whispered into the phone. She feared if she spoke any louder her voice would crack, and she'd melt into tears.

"Hun, what's wrong?" Lorelai's blithe voice quickly filled with concern. Much to Rory's dismay, as of recent every time she had called her mother, it was for some serious reason. The days of careless banter seemed to be over. It was either about being homesick, about wanting to jump off a bridge if Paris spoke to her one more time, and now, of Jess.

"Mom, I-I" she sniffed back tears and continued, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't be happy. I can't understand. I can't get him off my mind. Mom, I'm going crazy. My life is a total train wreck, and I," she breathed, "I don't know who I am anymore." She bit back threatening tears and finished. "I miss him, mommy," she squeaked into the phone, and then the tears came. Rory couldn't stop them. Her body ached and her breathing was shaky. Her eyes hurt from keeping them shut so tightly, but the tears kept coming. Covering her mouth in a feeble attempt to hide them or at best shut them up entirely, Rory sank deeper into her chair.

"Rory, Rory, hun, what are you talking about? Who do you miss?" When Rory didn't reply and Lorelai could still hear her daughter's tears, she spoke again; this time in a gentler tone. "Hush, hush, baby, you're fine. Just calm down, and talk to me." Lorelai's voice was comforting to Rory. She needed someone to shut her up, and she could always count on her mother for that job.

"It's Jess, Mom," Rory said quietly. "I can't stop thinking about him. I let him right out of my life. How could I have done that? I feel like I'm dying." Rory knew very well she sounded cheesy, but it was the truth. Her mother would understand, though; she had to.

"Ror, I know that him leaving hit you hard but, there are other men in this world."

"But there's not another Jess. There never will be. He isn't generic, Mom. Jess is Jess. That's what it is. And I let him go. Why?" Her voice broke by the end. What was wrong with her? She should hate Jess; she had every right to. But there was just something about Jess Mariano. Rory couldn't stay angry at him. Jess was like a drug to her. Rory's life was a wonderful high when he was around, but when he wasn't- it was the most agonizing of withdrawals.

"It wasn't your fault he left," Lorelai replied softly, but the bitterness in her voice was almost tangible. She might as well have just come out and said _'I hate him for what he did to you'_, but she didn't. "Though I know it's hard, you have to let Jess go. Rory, you're at Yale! There are hundreds of guys there- guys ten times better than Jess. Sweets, Jess is _gone_." Her mother's words were lethal. They stabbed at Rory's already shattered heart until there were no unharmed parts left. Sucking in a sharp breath, she resisted the urge to scream. He wasn't gone; it just couldn't be.

"No!" Rory spat out instinctively. It had become a natural reflex to defend Jess; no matter what the accusation was. "No, Mom, you're wrong. I loved- love him! He can't just be gone." She paused out of exhaustion of exercising this idea in her mind. "Why is it so hard?" Rory whispered weakly. She hated herself. She was drowning in self pity and dragging her mother along for the ride. Jess is only a boy; he shouldn't affect her to the extent that he has. But then a small voice in the depth of Rory's heart whispered _he's worth it though. _And it was true. He was worth every tear; every painful second. His notes in the margins of books he gave her were worth it. His witty remarks that made her smile were worth it. Jess was a once in a lifetime type guy, and Rory let that prized treasure slip right out of her grasp.

"Honey-" Lorelai paused. "It's hard. Trust me, I know it. And someday, you'll see that there's life after him. But for right now, I know it's a fresh wound. But hey, your break is coming up soon. Come back to Stars Hollow and spend it with me. I'm talking movie mania, as much junk food as our bodies possibly can consume, and the god of all gods, Luke's coffee."

"Like old times," Rory replied softly. She was overtaken by a wave of melancholy euphoria. Jess and Stars Hollow all in one wave caused for many emotions. Pleasant laced with painful as easily as lovers' fingers entwining.

"Yeah," Lorelai replied dreamily, "just like old times. Hey, I should pull out your Chilton uniform and you can wear it around like you used to. Then it'll be just like old times," her mother mocked playfully. Rory could just imagine the smile that was probably set on Lorelai's face. It was the genuine smile she gave that brightened her eyes and animated her features. Rory couldn't wait to see that grin again.

"No mocking the uniform," Rory retorted gaining some life back into her voice, "that skirt did wonders for my butt. And plaid is well-" Rory didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"Hun, that skirt looked like it was puked up by a kilt factory," Lorelai replied.

"That may be one of your worst comebacks ever. Is there even such a thing as a kilt factory?"

"Well, you're the big Yale student, you tell me. God, what are they teaching you at that fancy school anyways?" Though Lorelai's intentions were genuine, Rory could disperse the memory of when Jess had asked a similar question about Chilton. Recovering quickly though, Rory decided that this was step number one to letting Jess go. _Step one: ignore any and all memories of him that may come up during the day._ Satisfied with the start of her list, she gave her mother a small laugh.

"Well, I'm not majoring in the history of kilts, so sorry to disappoint," Rory replied.

"See? Look at that. We've been on the phone for like ten minutes and I've already gotten you out of your slump and those witty juices of yours flowing," Lorelai responded warmly.

"Yeah, I guess you have," Rory smiled, "and um, I'll take the bus to Stars Hollow on Friday; that's when break starts."

"Sounds like a plan, amigo. And I'll be sure to have that kilt mystery solved by the time you come."

Rory laughed. "Mom, I wouldn't waste your breath on that. But you could spend your intakes of oxygen on planning me a homecoming party," Rory teased.

"I'll see what I can do, offspring. Right now though, mommy needs to sleep. It's amazing how much taste testing Sookie's new dishes will take out of you."

"Alright Mom, see you on Friday." Rory raked a hand through her hair. As excited as she was to go home, the memory of her bad boy guido still lingered clearly in her thoughts.

"Only three days! I love you, sweets," her mother replied tiredly. Rory gave one last farewell before hanging up the phone. Setting it back down on the wooden table, she sighed. The dorm was eerily quiet. She considered turning on some music, but figured she'd have unhappy neighbors banging on her door within seconds. Reading was another option, but the activity had become a tender pastime ever since Jess left. Paris was the third and final safety choice, but even she wasn't around tonight. Paris had rushed out of the door earlier rambling something about a boy and a bar. Just the fact that those two words (or even either on their own) were part of Paris Geller's plans for the evening was enough to send Rory into shock. Scanning the room with the silly hope it would spark an idea, Rory huffed a breath of boredom. Rory considered following in Paris's footsteps and hitting up a bar. To make the choice even more time consuming, she flipped to a blank page in her notebook and began to write a Pro Con List.

_Pros: stress reliever. Meet new people. No longer bored. Potential to be fun. Banana daiquiri sounds very appealing. _

_Cons: possibility of a blackout. Tests in two days; need to study. Classes in the morning. Hangover. Drunk and/or horny men. Drinking=loss of logical thinking. _

Staring at her list, the cons stuck out and eventually won. Rory decided it was better to be safe than sorry. Plus Rory knew that Paris would expect her to help make Paris at least presentable for tomorrow. Tapping her pencil against the pages of her notebook, Rory glanced at the clock. She had wasted a mere five minutes on a decision that she was already 90% sure of when she started her Pro Con List. Again she was met with the taunting friend of boredom.

Finally settling on the lame decision of going to bed, Rory began to close her notebook, but she paused a minute. Pulling her pencil out, she wrote on a blank page:

_Steps to Letting Go:_

_One- _i_gnore any and all memories of him that may come up during the day. _

Though she knew it wouldn't be an easy feat, Rory's notebook (which she so tenderly named Rudie) had never failed her before. Hopefully Rudie could help her with letting go of Jess Mariano. Though, Rudie had also been the one to help her get Jess in the first place. Rory had numerous pages dedicated to the infamous Mariano. But, Rudie can't fail, right?

* * *

><p>I had to do it. I've been dying to write a Literati fic since, well, ever. This will be a multi-chapter story, but I'm still working on the plot. <em>Feel free to tell me any ideas you have!<em> I've found that the 'Gilmore Girls' characters are very hard to write, so _please tell me if you find any blatant OOC, because I'd be happy to attempt to fix it! _Well, I hope you all enjoyed chapter one, and **please review. **Thanks all!

**Remember, reviews are love, people! ;)**


	2. All These Things Running Through My Head

**Rudie Can't Fail**

_Two _

Friday came faster than Rory had ever expected it to. It wasn't that much of a surprise though, since she had been eating and breathing tests since Monday. Fidgeting with the strap of her backpack, Rory's anxiety level reached its peak: the bus to Stars Hollow was only five minutes from the station. Clenching her suitcase handle tighter, she breathed in deeply. She could do this; Rory could face Stars Hollow and all of its memories. She couldn't hide from it forever, nor did she want to. No matter all of the darker parts of her past; including Jess, Stars Hollow was her home. She could never abandon it.

Hearing the sound of tires on the crumbly road, Rory looked to find the contraption that was to take her back to Stars Hollow coming up the road. A look of disgust came over her face. The bus was a rickety old thing that looked as if it would crumble to pieces the second it hit a bump. Rory could only guess how the inside looked, and she shuttered at the image. Inhaling an exaggerated breath, she walked closer to the bus. When it stopped, a heavyset man came down the few steps heavily and landed on the ground with a thud. His eyes were beady and a shade of dull gray. His features seemed to be bored with the monotonous job of lugging people from here and to there, but he still gave a polite nod to every person who stepped on the bus. Rory, who was not blessed with the skill of coordination, attempted to maneuver her suitcase on the brittle ground without much luck. The driver noticed Rory's difficulty and approached her with an amused look growing on his face.

"Here ma'am, let me help you with that," the man grunted. Rory wasn't even sure the sounds coming out of the man's mouth could be considered English, but she replied with a smile and a small nod. He picked up the small luggage and walked it to the bus, placing it on the first step for Rory to get from there.

"Thanks," Rory replied in susurration, and began to drag her suitcase up the remaining two stairs and to her seat. She plopped down in the sunken seat, grateful that the trip wasn't too long. _"Welcome home, Rory Gilmore"_ she thought to herself, and leaned her head against the window.

* * *

><p>"Rory!" Lorelai greeted with great ebullience and a wide grin. Running up to her approaching daughter, she embraced her in a hug. Locking her arms tightly around Rory's waste, she never wanted to let go. Her baby had been gone for too long. Breathing in, her nose was filled with Rory's scent: sweet strawberries with a hint of mint. Rory too, hugged her mother with great force. Leaning her head against Lorelai's chest, she could hear her mother's steady heartbeat; it was a wonderful lullaby. Here in her mother's arms, Rory felt safe and protected from all harms of the world.<p>

"I missed you sweets," Lorelai said as she broke the long hug with Rory.

"Me too, Mom. I think that's the longest we've ever been apart." It was true; the Gilmore girls had never experienced being away from each other for long periods of time, so Rory leaving for college was like being torn away from home without even having a chance to say goodbye.

"Yeah, and let's never allow that to happen again. I miss you too much, kid. It is now forbidden for us to go without seeing each other for more than three weeks. I'm making that law effective as of right now," Lorelai said with a smile, and Rory couldn't help but agree. Her mother was her best friend; she wasn't about to give that up for anything; even Yale.

"Alright, Congresswoman Gilmore, sounds like a deal," Rory teased, "but it is also a law that we don't go at most 24 hours without Luke's coffee, and I've gone without for like 5 weeks!"

"Ah, we mustn't have that! To Luke's it is!" Lorelai returned gleefully, and led the way to Luke Danes's cherished diner. (x)

"Luke," Kirk pestered, "I asked for _sweet _tea. This is normal boring tea."

Luke sighed. "Kirk, the sugar is right there; use it." Luke gave a flat stare to Kirk as he tapped his pen out of annoyance on his notepad.

"But I asked for sweet tea, and I didn't get sweet tea. Mother says that it is the waiter's job to bring the customer exactly what he wants. And I want _sweet_ tea." Kirk returned Luke's stare with a defiant gaze, positive that he had won the battle.

"Kirk," Luke deadpanned tiredly, "your mother also said it was okay for you to live with her; and you're at least 35." He paused to let the insult sizzle and burn. "Look, just use the damn sugar."

"I will not, Luke," Kirk returned with a whiney tone.

"You want sweet tea? You've got your sweet," Luke gestured to the packets of sugar, "and you've got your tea," he pointed to the tea sitting in front of Kirk. Kirk gave a restrained nod, and finally gave in and poured a packet of sugar into his tea.

"Lukey Duke!" Lorelai greeted as she walked through the door, followed close behind by Rory.

"Don't call me 'Lukey Duke'," Luke muttered flatly glancing up at the incoming Gilmores.

"But Rory is back Lukey Duke," Lorelai replied exaggerating the pet name.

"Call me that name one more time," Luke warned, pursing his lips.

"And what, Lukey Duke, what will you do to little old me?" Lorelai retorted.

"I'll kick you out," Luke said simply with an easy shrug of the shoulders.

"You wouldn't!" Lorelai said placing a hand over her heart in mocking shock.

"I think he would, Mom," Rory piped in, "and plus, think of the coffee. It's too big of a risk to take."

"Oh, wise daughter, how have I lived without you here," her mother replied. Rory gave Lorelai a grin, which she returned. Finding two empty seats at the counter, the two girls looked at Luke with exaggerated innocence.

"Now do we get our coffee?" Lorelai asked adding a large smile. Luke grumbled something in return and put two mugs on the countertop and filled them to the brim.

"Happy now?" Luke asked, raising an eyebrow at Lorelai.

"Very," she replied sweetly, and put the mug to her lips, taking a long sip.

"So, Rory," Luke continued, "how's school going? I've only heard what Lorelai's been telling me."

Rory took a long breath before responding. "It's been good. Stressful, and a hard adjustment, but I'm finally getting there. The campus is great, and the people there are like mini Einsteins. But I'm happy to be back." Rory supplied a small smile, hoping that would solidify her lie. In truth, of course she was overjoyed to see her mother and Luke, but being at the diner was too much. She could clearly envision Jess leaning against the counter with a book and an intent stare. His black hair would cast a shadow over his caramel eyes, giving him the allure of the mysterious bad boy. Rory could imagine herself walking up to the reading Jess and flirting with him until her mother had to pull her away, and Rory was forced to snatch a quick goodbye kiss.

"Everyone in town's glad you're back," Luke said, a tenderness finding its way into his voice. All throughout Rory's life, Luke had been there. He felt as if he had a special connection with Rory. Whether that is a fatherly type or as a trust worthy friend, Luke wasn't too sure. He did know though, that he loved Rory the way any father should love his daughter. Rory gave Luke a smile in return, and then the three fell into silence. Lorelai was the first to speak again.

"Well, Rory, I'm sure you're probably hungry after that trip. Luke, how about some food?"

"Anything specific? Because I'd be more than happy to just bring you out a whole wad of uncooked cow," Luke deadpanned.

"If that was your way of asking what we want, I'll have eggs, bacon, waffles, and- and oh! A side of sausage." Lorelai grinned with excitement.

"Alright, so artery killer's delight for the mother, what about you, Rory?" Luke turned his attention to Rory.

"Um, can I just have a bowl of fruit?" Rory replied quietly. Both Luke and Lorelai stared at the younger Gilmore in utter shock. Never, ever, had a Gilmore ordered anything that was actually beneficial to her health. Though, Lorelai had formulated a very extensive argument about how bacon actually was good for someone's well being.

"Honey, have you gone all health nutty on me? Oh god, what did I do to deserve this? Did I give you too much candy as a kid? Is that it? Are you so tired of all the wonderful foods in life that you resort to the sinful choice of actually eating fruit? Oh honey, that school really has crazed your mind," Lorelai said in horror.

"No, I haven't gone soft," Rory disclaimed, "I'm just not too hungry." Again, she earned a shocked look from the two elders. "It's just that last night," Rory continued on, "I ate a whole pizza by myself; my body is still processing it."

"Well, as long as you have enough appetite for our movie and junk food marathon tonight, I'll let this little streak of healthiness slide," Lorelai said, her voice and muscles calming slightly.

"Okay," Luke said slowly, "so it's the usual death wish for Lorelai and some fruit for Rory…"

"Yep, that's about right," Rory responded with a nod. Luke disappeared into the back, and Lorelai took this as her chance to interrogate.

"Hun, are you sure you're alright? Are you positive you're not sick? Stressed? Totally insane?" Lorelai's eyes darted back and forth, trying to read Rory.

"No, partially no, and no."

"Than what- oh," realization hit Lorelai, "Jess." Her mouth morphed into a tight flat line, and she gave a nod.

"Yeah," Rory whispered. "I'm such a loser, aren't I?" She averted her gaze to the tiled floor. It was demeaning to have to admit that the reason for her unhappiness was an ex-boyfriend who she was still madly in love with.

"Rory, you could never be a loser; even if you tried. It's normal not to want to get over a boy you really cared for, but trust me the time will come when you'll finally move on. How about, we don't talk about this anymore, unless _you_ want to talk about it. I won't ask questions, you won't be put in the spotlight about it. The next two and a half weeks will be totally carefree." Lorelai stroked her daughter's shoulder softly, signifying that everything was fine; between them, with her, with everything.

"Thanks, Mom," Rory replied with a smile, and took a sip of coffee.

"I'm always here, kiddo, no matter what." At that same moment, Luke appeared from behind the curtain with Lorelai's mound of delectable foods, and Rory's humble serving of fresh fruit.

Placing the food in front of the girls, Luke asked, "Is there anything else?" He put his hands on his hips.

"Some more coffee would be marvelous," Rory suggested gently, and Luke obliged, pouring mother and daughter another dose of their favorite poison.

* * *

><p>Returning from Luke's, Lorelai and Rory plopped down on their beloved sofa with a content expression on their faces. Food in their stomachs, and Luke's coffee surging through their veins, life was definitely good. Moments later, the phone rang. Lorelai gave a groan.<p>

"I hate people with inconvenient timing," Lorelai muttered checking the caller ID. "Oh god, it's Stalin." She put the phone back down on the table.

"Aw, come on Mom, answer grandma's call," Rory requested sweetly.

"No way, offspring, she's out to get me." Her mother shook her head furiously.

"What this time?"

"Well, I kind of failed to mention you were coming to town, and well, Stalin had her KGB find it out for her," Lorelai replied.

"Oh, well, what should we do?" Rory replied in mock fear.

"Go get that big suit case in my closet and fill it with as many PopTarts and clothes as you possibly can, then we'll flee to Venezuela. We'll get new identities, and live the life of humble Venezuelan women," Lorelai suggested.

"Mom," Rory said flatly, "answer the phone."

"Killjoy," Lorelai muttered before pressing the talk button. "Hello?"

"_Lorelai, it's your mother,_"Emily Gilmore's flat voice said.

"Yeah, I know Mom," Lorelai said tiredly, "there's this marvelous invention called caller ID."

"_Oh_," Emily replied uneventfully, trying to hide her embarrassment, "_well, I was wondering if Rory was in town yet_."

"Ah yeah, sorry, you just missed her. Something about an emergency study session," Lorelai responded, the sarcasm dripping from her words.

"_Lorelai_," Emily warned, "_I know she is there._"

"Then why did you ask if she was here yet?" Lorelai probed.

"Because," the elder Gilmore replied with a dramatic sigh, "_it is the polite thing to do_."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind. So what do I owe the pleasure of this_ wonderful _call?"

"_You and Rory will come to dinner tonight. I want to see her before she leaves, or before you can formulate some absurd excuse for why you two can't attend_," Emily replied. She didn't make her invitation a suggestion. Emily Gilmore had always been a 'my way or the high way' type woman. Lorelai let out a breath as if she was about to try and lift a thousand pound weight; though, facing her mother wasn't much easier.

"Well Mom, we already have plans tonight," Lorelai whined. Her tone was akin to that of a sixteen year old whose mother told her to clean her room instead of going to a party.

"_Oh Lorelai, stop this childish nonsense. You have Rory's entire break to spend with her; I do not._"

"Ooo," Lorelai taunted, "someone's jealous…"

"_No, someone just wishes to see her granddaughter, and a certain daughter is hindering that from happening_." Lorelai could picture her mother's eyes squinting slightly in bubbling anger, and her mouth forming a flat line that would make Florida look like it actually had mountains.

"Fine, Mom, we'll be there," Lorelai Gilmore muttered in surrender.

"_Ah, wonderful. I will see you two here at 7_." There was a click, and then the line went dead. Lorelai pressed the end button in dramatic annoyance, and flung it on the table.

"Why must you be the sympathetic martyr of Stalin," Lorelai grumbled, crossing her arms and slumping into the couch.

"Oh come on, Mom, we have the next two and a half weeks to spend together. One night with grandma won't kill us." Rory gave her mother an encouraging smile, and leaned into the couch so she had direct eye contact with Lorelai.

"Are we talking about the same person?" Lorelai said on the verge of shrieking, "She is evil. Evil, I tell you. I told you about my theory of how she was an assassin before she met my dad, and-"

"Grandma isn't _that _bad," Rory insisted.

"She eats bunnies for breakfast, Rory," her mother teased in a serious tone.

"She does not. Okay, now you're being ridiculous." Rory shook her head, trying desperately not to let the smile peak out from behind her conservative façade. "And plus, it's only 12. We've got 7 hours before we have to be there."

"Yeah, but just the idea of having to go to hell at the end of the daylight hours just doesn't really appeal, and you know how I'm afraid of the dark," Lorelai said, supplying Rory with a joking smirk.

"Wow Mom, you really are a drama queen. Think of it this way: if we go to grandma's house for dinner now, then we have a better chance of her not pestering us for the rest of my break and you can have me all to yourself." Rory slipped her Converse off, and crossed her legs on the couch. A warm feeling crept into Rory's chest. The tender and kind feeling of pure innocence, where the biggest problem she faced was how to avoid her grandmother. It was a very welcomed change to Rory's recent melancholy adulthood.

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds like the best idea ever created; ever. Those Yale guys really turned you into a persuasive evil mastermind," Lorelai told her daughter, smiling mischievously. As Lorelai looked at Rory, she couldn't stop the sense of pride she felt for her daughter. Rory was everything a mother and friend could possibly want, and so much more. She was a rare gem, but it killed Lorelai that Rory couldn't see that. When Lorelai looked at Rory, that confident gleam that had filled her eyes was gone; replaced by the dullness of failure. Lorelai wanted so much to help her daughter, but Rory wasn't willing to allow the aid. Rory had always been that way: an independent girl who never asked for help unless there was a dire need for it. Lorelai had always admired her daughter for that strength, but now it seemed to be Rory's weakness as well.

"What can I say? I'm a natural Mojo Jo Jo," Rory replied with a goofy smile. She pulled her sweater sleeves over her hands, and clutched the material in her palms.

"You just referenced the Power Puff Girls." Lorelai returned, "My respect for you has just gone up by like 100. You know my weakness for that big brained monkey."

* * *

><p>"Do we have to?" Lorelai whined.<p>

"Yes," Rory replied.

"But why?"

"Because."

"Because what? 'Because' is not an acceptable answer. I need at least a sentence as to why we're actually going to Satin's lair."

"Because grandma is family, and if we get her out of the way now, the more time we have for movie mania."

"I knew there was a reason why I loved you, kid," Lorelai joked, as they pulled in front of Richard and Emily's house. Lorelai stared at the house for a while as if contemplating, and didn't turn off the car. "You know, if we don't make it out of here alive tonight, I want you to know that I love you; and that yes, there will be coffee in heaven; I'm sure of it."

"Mom," Rory replied slowly, "we're going to go inside," as she spoke she turned off the car's engine, "eat quickly, and come back out here very much alive." She unhooked both hers and her mother's seatbelts. "Now let's go before I lose my bravery too."

Lorelai muttered something in reply, and got out of the car.

"Rory," Emily greeted gleefully as Lorelai and Rory walked into the large house. "Lorelai," Emily greeted her daughter, accusation slithering its way into her voice.

"Hi, grandma," Rory replied sweetly, and Lorelai gave a curt nod. "Is grandpa here? I'm sure he's dying to know how Yale is." Rory tried to make her voice sound as excited as it would possibly let her. Sure she was eager to tell her grandfather about college, but there was nothing too inspiring or noteworthy about the renowned college. It was big, there were lots of students, and she clawed her way through classes, and got lost in the crowd. Nothing too worthwhile to waste a conversation on, but she would suffer through it anyway for her grandparents.

"Richard had a business trip. He really did want to be here, though," Emily replied as she led the younger Gilmores into the living room for drinks. Rory and Lorelai took their places on the couch, and Emily went to the small bar in the corner. "Water for you, Rory, and wine for Lorelai." Though most people would phrase it as a question, Emily's was a command. This was one thing about Emily Gilmore that Lorelai legitimately despised. The second someone entered the elder Gilmore's house, it was as if they walked into a dictatorship where space cadet thinkers and democrats alike were frowned upon greatly.

Emily handed the girls their drinks, earning polite smiles from the two, then took her seat on the chair facing them.

"Well this certainly is nice," Emily mentioned, "we haven't done this since Rory left for college. I wonder why that is, _Lorelai_," she eyed her daughter accusingly.

"I wouldn't know, Mom," Lorelai replied bitterly. It annoyed her perpetually that her mother always blamed her for Rory's lack of contact with Richard and Emily. Rory, sensing the tension in the room, uncomfortably cleared her throat.

"So, um, grandma, school is going well. I really see why grandpa loved it so much."

"How wonderful, Rory. Have you joined any clubs or participated in any extracurricular activities yet?" Emily asked, her voice suddenly becoming sweet and attentive.

"Well, I'm part of the staff for the newspaper," Rory replied, a proud smile growing on her face.

"Really," Lorelai said, a hint of hurt crawling into her voice, "you never told me that." She gave her daughter a look as if to say _'you better have a damn good explanation for why you didn't tell me, and decided to tell me the same time as my mother.'_

"Yeah, well, we just found out on Thursday, and I figured I'd tell you in person… so, surprise, Mom, I'm on the staff!" Rory gave a nervous laugh, and averted her gaze to her hands.

Before Lorelai could reply, Emily butted in, "What are the students like? Have you met any boys? I'm sure they are all more respectable than that last boyfriend of yours; oh, what was his name? Jack? Jim?"

"Jess, grandma, his name was Jess. And um," Rory paused. What was she going to say? In all honesty, no, no one had caught her eye, but she knew that was not the answer her grandmother was fishing for. "Yeah, I've seen some pretty good ones." She gave a small smile, and nodded her head, thinking that would suffice. But as she looked at Emily, Rory knew she was waiting for a name, a description; anything. "There's this one guy named Logan Huntzberger; he also works on the paper."

"Oh, well, that's nice. Maybe sometime soon he'll be over for dinner," Emily hinted obviously.

"Mom," Lorelai warned, "I think it's still a bit too soon for Rory to be finding a new boyfriend."

"I am simply saying that Rory deserves a nice boy; like Dean. And this Logan boy sounds very respectable." Emily crossed her legs.

"Mom," Lorelai replied shocked, "you know nothing about him! How could you say he's respectable? He might be some crazed stalker."

"He goes to Yale, Lorelai, he must have some class." Emily replied blandly. Rory could sense this conversation was going to end in an intense staring contest during dinner, and a dramatic slamming of the door when they left.

"Yeah, well, I've still got lots of time at Yale, so there's no need to make such a big deal about this." Rory wanted this conversation over. She wanted it finished for the sake of her sanity, her mother's happiness, her grandmother's decent mood, and most of all, so the two women would stop pestering with her love life. Rory barely even knew Logan, and wasn't prepared at all to leave Jess quite yet. On the subject of her lost love, Rory's mind wandered to her _Steps to Letting Go _list she had begun, and sighed; she had broken step number one so many times, its significance was completely shattered. She thought that if she came up with a step two, it would help make step one easier to obey. _Step two: focus on other boys, trying not to compare them to Jess._ She knew it would be hard, but if Rory wanted to be free of Jess, it was something she'd have to do.

"Yeah, you're right, Rory, we don't need to make a big deal out of it," Lorelai replied, giving a glare to Emily, which Emily fired right back.

"Mrs. Gilmore," the nervous new maid greeted, "dinner is ready."

"Wonderful," Emily replied, getting gracefully up from her seat, and leading the way to the dining room. The three women sat down in silence and picked at their salads with their forks, and Rory could guess Lorelai was imagining stabbing Emily rather than the lettuce.

"All I meant," Emily said suddenly, "is that Jess did not seem polite, genuine, gentlemanly, or at all worthwhile. You deserve someone who will treat you and your family with more respect."

With that, Rory had had enough. "You don't know him, grandma," she said bitterly. "You have no right to say those things. Though I appreciate your concern, I don't want to hear it. You don't know Jess, and it seems to me, you don't know me either. If you did, you would see that I loved him; that I saw past his faults, and that he brought out the best in me. But you seem too focused on what goddamn college a boyfriend of mine should go to, rather than his merits." Rory had snapped. Months of pent up emotions were flowing from her, and she aimed them at the available target of Emily. Pushing her seat back angrily, Rory stormed out of the room, and moments later, Emily and Lorelai heard the slamming of the front door.

"Well," Emily said furiously, "that was very rude and uncalled for."

"No," Lorelai began sadly, "it wasn't." She got up from her chair and went out the door to find Rory. When she was outside, she saw Rory slumped on the stair, crying. Her body was shaking, and she was running her hands frantically through her hair.

"Rory," Lorelai began softly.

"I don't want to talk about it." Rory crossed her arms, and hunched her back even more, and began to wipe the tears away. But soon, others quickly took their place.

"Honey, we have to talk about it. That in there," Lorelai pointed to the house, "was not you. You're starting to scare me, Rory. You aren't you." Lorelai took a cautious seat next to her daughter. Rory took a long breath. Her mother was right; she wasn't herself. It killed Rory that she was so depressed, but she couldn't help it; too much had changed and had been taken away from her too fast for Rory to be alright. She had lost Jess, Stars Hollow, her mother, Luke, and Lane all in one crashing wave. She had been flung into college and adulthood before she was prepared, and she was going crazy because of it.

"You don't think I know that?" Rory questioned miserably. "I know I'm depressed; I know that I'm not me. I know it better than anyone. And don't you think if I knew how to fix it, it would already be fixed? " New tears began to stream down her face, and it was torturous for Lorelai to witness. Her daughter, her sweet, innocent, confident little girl was suffering; suffering more than any college freshman should.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, sweets, and let me help you?" She looked at Rory empathetically, and rubbed her back soothingly. Screw Rory's independent personality; Lorelai was going to help Rory with or without her consent.

"You and everyone else were so happy about me getting into Yale, that I didn't want to damper it with my bad mood."

"Rory, helping you with your problems is way more important to me than a moment of happiness. I'm just disappointed that you didn't tell me. You could've saved so much suffering if you had just told me the _full _story."

"Yeah, I know, Mom, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to believe that I was really feeling like this, and I also didn't want to disappoint you. I wanted you and everybody else to see that I could handle myself on my own." Rory tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, and turned away shyly from her mother's gaze.

"Rory," she said with a small, humorless laugh, "you don't have to prove anything to me. I know that you're capable of handling yourself. I've seen that since you were little. And you disappoint me more by not telling me, than you do by actually admitting to me that you're not okay. You are my daughter and I love you. And as your mother, it's my job that you're happy and okay. And as of right now, it looks like I have an F in that."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I just- too much has happened, and too fast. My brain is short circuiting, and my body is going crazy with all of my stress. I want to be back here. With you, and Luke, and Lane, and Chilton, and- and with Jess. I can't do it, Mom." Rory wrapped her arms around herself, and leaned her head against Lorelai's chest.

"It's not an easy thing when you're first on your own. It's normal to miss your mother and your friends, and school, and- well, coffee. And like before, it's okay to not be over an ex-boyfriend. You've been through a lot this year, so I'm not surprised that you'd be a little overwhelmed. I just never expected it to be this drastic." Lorelai began to stoke Rory's hair, and she could feel her daughter's tears slowing up.

"Neither did I, Mom," Rory said dejectedly. She cuddled into her mother closer as a rush of cold wind whipped around their faces.

"I know sweets. But on a brighter note, you've gotten me to speak seriously for like twenty minutes. I think that's some new record for me." Lorelai let out a chuckle, and glanced down at Rory, to see her smiling back.

"I think the longest time you've been serious was that hour where I had broken your new Betty Boop lamp and you proceeded to spend thirty minutes lecturing me, and the other thirty in mourning." Rory giggled at the memory, and let out a heavy breath of relief. Her mother was better than chocolate in situations where Rory was depressed, and that was certainly saying something. When Rory was ten, she had eaten 12 chocolate bunnies in under an hour. Of course, Lorelai had congratulated Rory on her success.

"Ah, yeah, that's right. And I still haven't found a Betty lamp as good as that one. I blame you, offspring." She patted Rory's head lightly. "Come on, Ror, let's go home."

* * *

><p>Lorelai and Rory entered Stars Hollow with mixed up feelings. Emily had called numerous times, asking if Rory was alright, and why they had left. Lorelai had ignored every call, not wanting to deal with the dictator yet.<p>

"Hey Mom, can we get coffee at Luke's?" Rory asked, breaking the silence that had plagued the girls on their ride home.

"Of course," Lorelai said enthusiastically, "and if that's what'll help make you feel better." She gave Rory a small smile and parked the car outside of Luke's. The Gilmores walked up to the diner, an enthusiasm finding a way into their moods and smiles put on their faces. Entering the diner, Rory's feelings of peace quickly faded. Sitting at one of the tables, was Jess Mariano. (x)

Okay, so there is chapter two! I know that it was kind of fast paced, but I wanted to go through a little bit of their whole day. Plus, it gave me a chance to experiment with some of the characters. _Again, if there is anyone or anything that seems OOC, please tell me, so I can try to improve on it. _Also, I ask that you please leave a review! It is very hard to write and keep inspiration in a story with only a handful of input. So please, it only takes a few seconds to do! Hopefully you all liked the chapter!

**Remember, reviews are love, people! ;)**


	3. Matters of the Heart

**Rudie Can't Fail **

_Three_

"Mom," Rory whispered, barely holding back the tears, "am I dreaming?" She shuddered when she felt her mother's hand touch her shoulder with soft empathy. Why was this happening to her? Why, did Jess Mariano have to stumble back into Rory's life like such a jagged splinter; piercing right through the life she was just beginning to build up again?

"No, babe, you're not dreaming," Lorelai replied quietly, turning her light blue eyes to face her daughter. Biting her lip in a sort of sad smile, Lorelai knew there was nothing more to say; nothing more to do. All there was to do now was to watch—hope. Turning her attention to Jess, she saw the look on his face.

Jess Mariano was seeing a ghost. The fragment of an angel he had personally shattered. Just looking into Rory's kind cobalt eyes, and caressing his aching memories against her soft silk skin, made Jess' heart crumble, littering the pit of his stomach like toxic waste. The emotional pain was unbearable. His head throbbed in the aftermath of a love-sweet blow. Who knew a once candy-like fluttering feeling could feel so murderous when put in rough waters. Fiddling his fingers, he could barely force his muscles to function. His nerves tingled in anguish, partly pleading to touch Rory just once; partly ready to run from her for a second time. Jess was pulled in such drastic directions; he felt his entire body begin to internally stretch far past its limit.

_Talk to him, _Rory told herself. She knew she had to. If she didn't trigger a conversation, Jess certainly never would. Maybe this would be closure; maybe this could be the end. But did she want it to be over?

_Of course, _she lied. But it was also the truth. It was a melded and boiling pot of nausea-inducing emotion that was cooking Rory slowly and torturously. Sighing, the young Yale student shuffled her way over to the table Jess was still seated at—utterly frozen. Rory felt herself walking to the Guillotine. Once she stopped, that would be the last time she would ever touch the earth's surface alive. Shaking the melodramatic pesticide, she strode coldly over to Jess. He deserved the hostility… right?

"Jess," was all Rory could utter out when she finally reached the god forsaken table. She watched as her former white knight inhaled sharply. Why did he have to make a simple breath look so perfect, so seductive, so like _Jess_? Looking at the man in front of her now, Rory knew he was still her knight; she had just gotten it wrong at first. He was far from the white and glorified knight. Jess Mariano was Rory's dark knight: prowling in the midnight hours, thriving in the shadows, and swept away in sparkling gray when the first signs of morning appear.

"Rory," Jess replied, his voice thick and full of pent up stress and ache.

"Why are you here?" She whispered in return. She hadn't meant for her voice to sound so broken. Damn emotions and their conniving ways.

"I—" what was Jess to say? That he wanted to see Rory? Missed his uncle? No. That was not the Jess Mariano he wanted people to see. But Rory wasn't 'people'—she was so much more. Sighing, Jess ran a hand through his hair. "I wanted to come back," he mumbled.

Rory scoffed. "Don't give me that innocent 'I missed home' stuff. It's not going to work again. You're not good at staying in one place; you're not meant to settle in." Rory crossed her arms. She wanted to say more. But she knew that anger would haze her better judgment

"Is it against the law to try and change that?" Jess slightly bit back. He had no reason to get mad; he deserved this beating from Rory.

"For you, it wouldn't matter if it was or wasn't. You still wouldn't last long." Rory began to grind her teeth. If she wanted to stay strong, she'd have to constrict every part of her being.

"There's a difference between ability and desire." Jess knew that line was so far from where he wanted the conversation to go, but his stupid mouth had opened before it was directed to.

"Oh," Rory drawled, "so now you _desire _to be more stable—more _loyal_. I see. Well, that makes everything better right?" Rory crossed the 't' of 'right' harshly, hoping to stab at some sort of emotion roaming in Jess' heart.

"No," Jess returned, sinking under Rory's looming presence. The battlefield certainly wasn't even when he was sitting and she got to stand high above. "It doesn't make anything better. I know that. That's why I came back."

"Don't try this 'I've grown up' act. There's no one to impress; no one who cares. If you really want to settle down, why don't you just go somewhere else to give it a whirl?" _It hurts too much with you being here. What if you decide you don't like being grounded? What will I do then? What will I be then? _Rory bit her lip. She wouldn't cry.

"I wanted to be _here_. This isn't a gated community last time I checked."

"Physically, no," Rory returned. Her glare was ice—freezing the caramel swirling in Jess' eyes.

"You've done a _smashing _job of ignoring me in the past, just go back to doing that and we'll be set. You'll be going back to Yale soon anyway." Jess didn't want to put up his mask of nonchalant anger, but he felt the string being tied firmly; he wasn't going to escape this.

"Leave, and everyone's problem would be solved."

"You don't really hate me that much," Jess confidently told Rory. Why was he acting like this! He couldn't stop though.

"You've made sure that I do," Rory returned. Sighing, she continued quietly, "all I ever wanted was to love you. I wanted you to be mine forever, and I never wanted you to leave. But you tested my limits, pressured me far from where I was comfortable going to. _You _have made me like this." That wasn't entirely true, Rory knew. But she was on a roll of placing blame and wasn't about to stop.

"Of course it's my fault. It's always my fault," Jess muttered. Where was his uncle to intervene? To take Rory's place? He'd rather hear a lecture from his uncle than his lover.

"This time, it is." Rory stared at Jess coldly. Some of her wanted to leave—to escape this trap she had put herself in. But simply staring at Jess was enough to keep her paralyzed in her place. Breathing in sharply, she turned away from Jess, walking back over to her mother. Lorelai gently placed a hand on Rory's back and led her out of Luke's diner.

Opening the door, the rush of chilled air hit Rory heavily.

"You okay?" Her mother whispered, as they walked back to the car. Rory swallowed thickly.

"Just peachy," Rory mumbled in return. What kind of question was that anyway? No, she was not fine.

"Ror, we should talk about this." Lorelai looked at her daughter expectantly.

"Why?" Rory whispered, "why do we have to talk about it? What's there to say?"

"Just tell me what you're feeling. You've gotten a real beating today, and I—I just want to help you."

"I don't need saving," Rory replied coolly. She wanted the subject dropped; immediately.

"But advice never hurt anyone," Lorelai commented simply. Rory blinked the trickling tears from her eyes.

"I love that you want to help me. It's great that you want to make sure I'm okay. I just… need to drop the subject for right now. It's too fresh. So can we just go home, go to bed, and start again tomorrow?"

"If that's what you want, babe, that's what we'll do." Lorelai gave a comforting smile, starting the engine, and heading home.

* * *

><p>"Rory my love! My peach cake! My little lovey!" Lorelai sang from the kitchen. Rory grumbled under her sheets, sensing the morning sun hovering over her body expectantly. Sighing deeply, Rory raised her creaky body from the bed, shuffling into the kitchen to find the source of the sound.<p>

"Please mom, whatever you do in life, just don't call me peach cake." Rory shook her head trying to keep the smile off of her face.

"But… you are my little peach cake."

"Peach cake? My god, how are you considered sane!"

"I've never claimed to be, my dear." Lorelai laughed, dropping a PopTart into the toaster.

"Mom, it's way too early for you to be talking of fruits and pastries. What are you doing up so early anyway?"

"What? A girl can't get up at a reasonable hour?" Lorelai smiled, taking a seat at the light wooden table.

"We're talking about you, mom…"

"Point being?"

"Lorelai Gilmore plus early morning equals apocalypse." Rory crossed her arms, shuffling her way to the table as well.

"Way to look on the bright side of life," Lorelai replied sarcastically.

"Just being honest, dearest chuck." Rory laughed.

"What in the world is chuck?"

"Shakespeare, mother dearest, Shakespeare."

"I don't care if it was Brad Pitt; I would never like to be called dearest chuck."

"I think that I'd take the name chuck if it was coming from Brad Pitt."

"Suit yourself, peach cake." Lorelai gave a smile, walking over to the toaster to get her PopTart. Rory looked at her mother, a rumbling feeling of melancholy consuming her. Rory wished that she could be as blasé as her mother; but Rory was wired differently. She needed people such as her mother, and Jess, to keep her relaxed and nonchalant.

"So, what's the plan for the day?" Rory placed her chin on her hand, as her mother sat back at the table.

"Ask and ye shall receive, my lovey." Lorelai took a huge bite of her PopTart. "Oh ow, dear god. That's hot… hot, hot, hot!" She let the PopTart drop onto the white plate, and glared at it. "Bad PopTart. Pooey tart!" Lorelai crossed her arms.

"And this is why we let the pastry reach thermal equilibrium before we eat it…" Rory instructed.

"Yale has contaminated your brain," Lorelai grumbled still glaring at her PopTart.

"Just encouraged me," Rory said with a taunting smile.

"Okay, College, what do you want to do today? Say anything about math, science, writing, or… grammar and I will sincerely consider disowning you."

"Mommy got touchy about her Poppy… poor little baby," Rory said with joking sympathy. "Okay, how about a day in? I was thinking _Titanic_."

"Let me see if I got this. You want to watch a movie about love ultimately dying, when you just had a fight with an ex… makes sense, I guess." Lorelai stuck out her tongue.

"You're just bitter about the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio dies." Rory gave a small laugh.

"You bet I am! The chick had hot steamy sex with the guy, and then gets all 'this floating door is all mine. I'm gonna let you just freeze over there, clutching my hand for dear life'. I mean I'd at least keep him alive so the sex could stay alive." Lorelai shook her head, taking a bite of her now cooler PopTart.

"You're so twisted, mom." Rory replied.

"Can you at least admit that I'm right? I mean come on, he's Leo."

"I'm not going to watch _Titanic _with you if you're going to be dissing it the entire time."

"Oh, relax, chucky, I'll be a good little girl and stay quiet and eat my treats." Lorelai gave a joking smile.

"Good doggie," Rory cooed, patting her mother's head.

* * *

><p>"<em>I know that you've been melancholy. I don't pretend to know why…"<em>

"Can Cal be any more of an ass? Of course she's melancholy; she's engaged to you!" Lorelai flung a handful of popcorn at the TV.

"Breathe, mom."

"_There's nothing I couldn't give you; nothing I would deny you… if you would not deny me." _

"That's it. Cal and his snakey little eyes can just go to hell. Like—shut up! You and you're cocky half British accent can just plunge into the North Atlantic!" Rory bit on her Hershey's bar heatedly.

"Breath, Rory," Lorelai imitated sarcastically.

"Hey mom?" Rory asked, chewing the chocolate in her mouth.

"Yes, Rory?"

"People like Cal make me happy."

"How in the world did you reach that conclusion?" Lorelai looked to the screen quickly. "Oh look how sexy Leo is, gripping that rope. The sky behind him is just so sexy. I'd do him right there on that deck…"

"Mother! Oh my god, don't need that visual! Please! Just… no! God, ew, ew, ew!" Rory shuddered. "Anyway, people like Cal are such asses, that they make the asses I deal with less…"

"Butt-like?" Lorelai piped in.

"Yeah, that's it: less butt-like…" Rory laughed. Maybe, she'd be okay after all. Letting her mind wonder, she decided to add a new rule into Rudie: always watch _Titanic _with your mother when boys are being dumb. Rory shook her head. Rudie can never fail.

* * *

><p>It's been forever since I've updated! And it's a shorter chapter than what I usually write. Hopefully though, it still is okay, and with enough humor that it's not too shallow. And is it weird that I wrote those Titanic lines from memory? I'm such a nerd. Anyways, opinions and ideas are always wonderful. And remember that this took me a long time to write, but will only take you a few seconds to comment on.<p>

_Be good and review!_


End file.
